Loooong Labor of Love.
Unless you guys haven’t been on the Internet lately, you’re probably already aware of the fact that my child is now here. She’s gorgeous, and everything I could’ve have asked for. I am very fortunate to have such a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Apologies for all of the pictures I’ve been posting lately as well. I will do my best to limit these, as I know I have been critical of over the top picture posting parents in the past. So, I will do my best to not be one. But, a few more won’t hurt…
Last week, was one of the craziest, most difficult things I’ve ever been a part of. Easily, a zillion times worse than I ever could have imagined. Though I’m sure it was far more difficult for my wife, it was still rough for me to watch. Over thirty hours of labor, seeing someone you love in excruciating pain for hours upon hours, and knowing full well there is nothing you can do about it. It was definitely emotionally taxing, and I am glad the whole thing is over. I’ve seen things that….well….let’s just say if there was any doubt I loved my wife before, there isn’t know. We got real close.
It all started a week ago yesterday. I awoke from a deep slumber at approximately 9:37, and was prepared to enjoy some of my mother in laws finest homemade muffins. We had a doctors appointment the previous Monday, and the doctor told us that my wife was in no danger of having the child this week. No change, dilation, or anything. So, I was prepared to get my drink on, and watch some football. After breakfast, I went to take a shower. My wife came in the room, and said the following: ” Hey, I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but I’m pretty sure my water broke around 2AM”. Ummm…..ok. I thought maybe this was some kind of holiday ruse played on me with her family. But, she assured me it wasn’t. So, after a few quick phone calls to my family, we were off to the hospital. The start of living hell.
When we arrived, they made the wifey go through a series of tests to “determine”
if her water indeed was broken, or just ruptured. Apparently this was due to the fact that she was 36 weeks and six days, making her slightly premature. A full term baby is 37 weeks, so they can’t legally do anything until that point, unless the baby is in danger. So, we waited. It was then that we were also informed that the doctor we had been using for the past eight months was actually off for the holiday. So, we’d be with someone we’d never met. I should’ve known there, that this was gonna be a long process, but at this point I was still optimistic.
Eight hours later, around six in the evening, the on call doctor walked in and told us it was time. Her water was officially “broken” and we were going to start the labor process. Meaning of course, they were going to induce her. Now then, here is where it started to get bad. For those that don’t know…(and most of you on here probably shouldn’t) the way they do this, is start her on an IV drip with something called Pitocin. It’s apparently a synthetic version of something your body naturally produces, designed to get women to have contractions so they will dilate. I am not here to tell you what I think of this drug, because I am no medical doctor. They repeatedly assured me that it was safe for Katie, and the baby so we went with it. All I know is what it did to my wife. And that was put her in agony without really doing much else. Again, I’m not Rikki Lake here, but I’m not a fan of this stuff. You can read more about it here if you wish. Now, on with our story.
Once they started her on doses of this stuff, it was brutal. My wife would be the first person to tell you her threshold for pain is low. She’s always been like that, so we knew contractions wouldn’t exactly be easy on her and felt we were slightly prepared. Oh, how stupidly wrong we were. The contractions were so intense, and so close together at that point, that all she could do was writhe in agony. From around 6:30pm to 12AM she was in bad shape. I thought several times she was going to break the bed in half. I had literally never seen her in so much pain, it truly scared me. I didn’t think it could get any worse….again, I was way wrong.
Around 1AM they finally gave her an epidural to relieve the pain. I had to leave the room, because I couldn’t stand to see her having a giant needle jabbed in her spine. It was here, that I started to get really angry. They not only were having her pumped full of Pitocin, but a separate IV of an anti-biotic to help with infection, and had just put some demerol in her a few hours before the epidural. I was finally demanding the nurses give me answers as to why all this was in her, and doing nothing. This couldn’t be right, could it? I was still repeatedly reassured it was safe, and was told not to worry. The epidural knocked her out for the evening, and I was too wound up to sleep. So, around 3AM on Thanksgiving morning I left the hospital, and wandered the streets to try and calm me down. It didn’t work.
Around 6am on Thanksgiving I walked into the room, and was again horrified. The epidural had apparently “worn off” so they were increasing the dosage. Katie was in worse shape than I had left her in before. The contractions were getting worse, and she was sobbing incessantly! I hadn’t slept in almost two days now, and was really getting angry. My mom, her mom, and myself could do nothing to help her. She was just in absolute misery. She had now been in labor for almost two days. One of the most helpless feelings I’ve ever had. This was the worst thing ever, and I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do with myself. Until, my dad came to rescue me.
At 9:34 am, he arrived and said I looked like “shit”, and we needed to get out of there for a bit. Being my dad, he did the only thing that made sense. Found the only Pub that was open on Thanksgiving morning. We walked in around 10:00 am to to find about 15 people already drinking, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I ordered two much needed Miller Lites, and sat with my dad for a bit. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want more than two beers. Which, shocked my dad and I quite a bit. I just couldn’t relax knowing what was happening a few blocks away. So, we went back.
When I got back, it was more of the same. Horrible screaming, pain, and sobbing. She was miserable, and the worst part was…she wasn’t even dilating. In other words, after hours upon hours of contractions, she wasn’t any more ready for the baby to come out. In between contractions I could tell she was starting to break down. Saying things like “I can’t do this anymore..” and just generally swearing. Around this time, they took out her epidural and gave her a new one…AND increased her Pitocin drip. It was a nightmare that I never thought I’d wake up from. Finally, around 5PM she was dilated enough to start pushing this girl out. It was gonna happen! To say we were relieved, would be an understatement. Finally, this was gonna happen. Or, so we thought…
As a straight man, you basically spend your whole life objectifying women. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, it’s just the truth. You look at them as sexual beings that you derive pleasure from. After watching the pushing process, I am even more amazed by the female anatomy than I have ever been. It’s almost as if that thing downstairs turns completely inside out. I’m not kidding. There is blood, and gore and…..well, I would go into more detail but I am afraid I might embarrass my wife. Rest assured, it’s something you don’t ever forget. Especially, when out of all the madness, you start to see your babies head. Then, you tend to forget a lot. But alas, she had other plans.
After two solid hours of pushing, nothing was happening. She wasn’t getting low enough, and Katie was just busting blood vessels in her eye. She was very sore, and had no energy left. Not only that, but now there was stress being put on our baby. So, after all these hours of contractions and labor, we were told it wasn’t happening this way. She needed a C-section. Originally, this is something we were pretty against having. Mainly for personal reasons, but at this point we were all ready to be done. They prepped her, I put on my hospital sanctioned scrubs, and we were off to the operating room, ready for this nightmare to be over.
My wife at this point had so many drugs in her, she didn’t know what the hell was going on really. The funny thing is, the administer your anesthetic through your epidural drip. Which, wasn’t really working for Katie. As I was standing there, and they were beginning to cut her open, she started to scream. She told them she could feel everything they were doing, to which they basically replied…”no, you can’t”. She assured them she could, and when they went for another incision, she screamed again. It was at that point, I went a bit insane..demanding someone give her something! They calmed me down and finally did. She was out cold. They were finally ready to proceed. The pushing process I witnessed earlier was amazing to behold…this was just disgusting and unnerving.
I sat and watched the whole thing. Yes, the whole thing. In my delirium, I probably wasn’t even aware of what I was seeing. If I’d had more sleep, I know I could never have done it. The place looked like a murder scene! . There was blood everywhere! I was starting to get a bit pale, and nervous for my wife, when suddenly I heard it. “Here she is”! Then, a loud scream. It was my baby. Finally, she was here. I didn’t know what to do. It was very surreal. Then, they came over to me, and placed her right in my arms.
The best way I can describe the feeling is Saving Private Ryan. In the end, when Tom Hanks is sitting on that tank about to die and everything is in slow motion, and there is no sound. That’s what it felt like. Next to me my wife’s uterus was completely out of her body and they were sewing her up, and there were all the doctors running around doing things. But, I saw none of it. I asked one of the doctors in the room if I could take a picture, to which she replied…”It’s your baby. You can do what you want to”. “My baby”? Just the sound of that was pretty incredible. I took some pics, and held her for a while longer. Then, it was all over. At 7:56pm on Thanksgiving of 2011, my life was never the same.
So, there you have it. That’s my birth story. One week later, and I’m happy to report everyone is doing great. The first couple of nights home were a bit taxing, but it gets better everyday. Until, she becomes a teenager. But, that’s a whole other blog for way down the road. Until then I’ll just enjoy here being this little, and do the best I can.
My intention was in no way to scare anyone that may be thinking about having kids, or will soon have them. Everyone is different. My brothers wife was in labor for 45 minutes and went home a day later. Some women are in labor for even longer than my wife was. My intention was just to get it all out there. Decompress the story on this beautiful thing we call tumblr, and let whoever reads it read it. As I said, I will try my best not to post so many baby pictures because I know how annoying that can be. Although, I understand why people do it a little bit more now.
Last question you may have for me is this: Did I cry? Some guys do, and some don’t don’t. Everyone handles it differently. Matter of fact, I bet my little brother that I wouldn’t cry. I just don’t do it very often, and didn’t think I would get that emotional. Well…the answer is yes, I did cry. Like a little an uncontrollable little baby. I held it together for Katie all during her labor, and even when they put Lucy in my arms. The moment I lost it, was when they were wheeling my girls out to my car. I suddenly thought about all I’d seen, and been through and knew I was starting a new chapter in my life. When I saw them, I realized I was a dad now. Those girls were my family. Everything came pouring out, and I cried. I have never felt anything close to that in my life. I was glad to be going home.
Yeah…I know some of that was cheesy. Trust me, I’m the first one to call people out on cheesy, Hallmark things like that. But, it’s truly how I felt. And yes, even for a jaded, bitter old soul like me, it’s very true about the instant love thing. Even now, when I hold that little gal and think of all we went through to get her…well…I’m gonna just end it here. You might make me cry again.
-B-
